there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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