Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
