We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
