and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
