can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
