i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
