There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
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the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
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He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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