You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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