sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
