Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
