Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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