Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize
