i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
