She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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