why didn't you poke me back
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i would one night stand the shit outta him
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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