she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Randomize
