Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
