Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I think I died a long time ago.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
