She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm just crazy horny about you
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
