dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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