If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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