im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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