Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
