everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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