She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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