We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
