Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
