Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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