Can i not drive my cunt home
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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