i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
