Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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