yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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