Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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