I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
