at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
