Pants 0. Shit 1.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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