It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
