WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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