Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
