Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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