well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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