I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
