No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
