Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
