I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
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Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
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There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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