Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
What a dumb baby whore.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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