Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
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Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
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I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
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