It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We had sex on a dog bed..
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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