god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
