Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
