And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
