he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
