i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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