Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
