Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
