David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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