i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I need a beard to bite.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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