So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Boobs are out for the taking
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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