I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
