Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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