my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
