i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
