i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
