No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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