Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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