the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
