he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
two words...techno handjob
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
