I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
