Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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